|Leigh cut a window in my bedroom door and then used
plastic on both sides so we can at least see out into the
construction zone, sort of like a prison window but it helps.
Only some bad photos today since I am not allowed in the construction zone during the insulation installation, but I’m writing anyway to try to sort why I’m doing so badly. I actually don’t mind living in my little studio apartment (aka bedroom). The 331 sq. ft. serves the 6 of us very well (I have two dogs and three cats). But we don’t handle it well when access to the kitchen and front door are denied. It is also hard on the cats not to be able to roam at night. I have been borderline tears or in tears for two days and this phase of construction is going to go one for at least another two weeks! I am ready to quit and say I’ll just live in my home the way it is.
|And this is the view we get! Batting in the ceiling close
up (the non-cathedral ceiling), and the beginnings of
foam in the walls and cathedral ceiling.
The sheet rock was delivered this morning (at 7:15AM!!) and the installation of that starts tomorrow morning. It almost had to be delayed because the insulation guys from yesterday, the batting insulation guys, installed the batting incorrectly, which would have meant that sheet rock couldn’t start until Monday. Daryl, my wonderful plumber, and Leigh, best contractor in the world, and Jay, a wonderful carpenter, just pitched in and did the insulation batting correctly so that we are still on schedule. I do have fantastic people helping me which makes me feel even worse that I’m so upset. I wonder if I could get away with just having the sheet rock put up and maybe taped, but not mudded and just painted and go with it.
|The batting in the ceiling up close was done wrong, so
Leigh, Daryl, and Jay pitched in and re-did it correctly.
My therapist mentioned yesterday in an e-mail that my personality type, #4 on the Enneagram Chart, has its natural melancholy triggered by days which act to constrict her or her movements, and so what I’m feeling is the melancholy being triggered. However, understanding the cause and dealing with it are two different things, I’m finding. I am definitely crabby and depressed, and I’m sure hard to deal with and it bothers me a lot that everyone, especially Leigh, is working so hard to facilitate this and make things easier to bear, while at the same time looking out for the health of me and my critters, but knowing this in my head and handling it in my heart are two very different things. Right now I’d just as soon drop the entire project, even though I know (again in my head) that I have cool stuff coming–new colored appliances, wonderful kitchen cabinets, rainbow colored closets, etc. I would have thought that would have been enough to help me through what I knew from the get-go was going to be the worst part of this project, but at the moment it isn’t.
|Having a window out of my room does help and if I
didn’t need my kitchen so much I think I’d manage better.
And if I had my kitchen in here in my studio with everything else, then that too, would make things much better, but the fridge simply won’t fit through the door, and so I’m trapped, or that is how I feel. I am grateful that I have my little studio and if I didn’t need a kitchen I could manage, but I miss my Insta-hot and endless cups of tea and having my sprout salad for lunch (today is a larabar, carrot sticks, and an apple). And I know that no one forced me into this rebuilding of my home–I did it to myself. None of this makes me feel any better. People telling me that it is “only” for a short time and that two weeks isn’t that long doesn’t help either, even if they might be right. And it will be better when the snow melts so that I could walk around the side of my home without worrying about stepping on plants or getting wet feet. But none of that helps today. Today just must be endured. Sorry for being so down and sorry to all those who are working so hard to help me. Wish I could be more grateful. And the sun is even shining and my frozen shower head thawed itself out this morning, so that is good.