Finding My Tribe or Internet Connections

I know I need to figure out a way to find my own “tribe,” but I haven’t exactly figured out how to do that either.  My therapist says that one thing I could do is envision what something would look like and try that out to see if it is really what I want.  For instance, if I had a partner, what would she look like, and what would my life be like.  When I did that exercise, I soon figured out that maybe it wouldn’t be so good–I’ve lived alone for a very long time and I am an individualist and I am very used to doing things my way and I’m currently having my home redone to suit me, a vision that I suspect few others would find suitable.  So that helped, but all humans apparently need social interaction, and I don’t have a “proper” family so I have to find my own network, my own tribe. 

How do I do that?  I’ve started blogging which has gotten me one follower (a lovely lady in Wyoming) and 2 others who have made comments, but I’m not sure if blogging is the way to go as far as finding a tribe.  I’ve avoided joining Facebook since I find it offensive that one can’t read Facebook entries without becoming a member, but maybe I could find kindred spirits there.  I’ve also discovered I’ve been thinking about what to post on my blog based on my perceptions of what my readers might like.  So far I’ve only written what I felt inspired to write, what was written from the heart, and that’s what I need to continue to do, realizing that those who have commented so far are moved to comment because they connect in some way with what I’ve written.  But as someone who follows a ton of blogs in Google Reader, and someone who is frequently moved by a number of posts, but who rarely leaves any comments at all, I realize that blogging may not be the most effective way to make connections.  I suspect I’m far from being alone in reading blogs but not making comments.  So how do I find my tribe?  

I am an introvert and in all honesty a bit of a recluse.  My energy is maintained by being on my own, in my own space.  I am very much a homebody.  But if I never go out, I won’t ever meet anyone to discover if they are part of my tribe.  On the other hand, I remember that my father had many very rich friendships which were conducted entirely or nearly entirely by correspondence.  That idea really appeals to me, and so I’m thinking that what I need is kindred spirits who like making blog comments, who like e-mail correspondence.  Also, since I don’t like leaving my home and certainly don’t want to leave my island, the Internet allows me to spread a wider net–I have the chance to meet more people and hence I will be more likely to find kindred spirits.  I think this is a good plan for now, and what I need to remember is that it takes time to find kindred spirits, and that if my purpose in writing a blog is to find my tribe, I need to continue to write about what is important to me and stay true to myself.

4 responses

  1. This was a great post! I'm working on finding my tribe as well as a fellow introvert. I encourage you to reconsider Facebook at some point.I 've made some great friends from other friends or contacts there. I won't lie – it (probably) isn't going to happen overnight. But I have seen it happen over and over again for many different people (including a friend of mine whose health and mobility challenges had previously kept his social circle limited to basically just his family.)I also lurk at more blogs than I comment on. Most of the time I don't have anything interesting to add to the conversation. It seems like something most people do (but that doesn't make it any less scary when it feels like nobody is reading what you have to say. :O )I have no idea how to find a good online penpal, though.

  2. Ok, Lydia, you have just affirmed what others have told me for a long time, so I've spent most of the afternoon taking the plunge and I now am on Facebook with a "badge" on this page as well. I will be patient and see what develops. I sure appreciate your comment and yes, I do think that as introverts we have a harder time finding our tribe. 🙂

  3. It does take a while to "find your tribe" on the Internet as you say…in real life, I'm usually at a bit of a loss for finding a "tribe"too. I'm fairly outgoing and social, but sometimes I just don't seem to meet people that I really hit it off with. Sometimes I wish I could live in a real community with those that I have established a sort of "blog rapport" with over the last 1.5 years of blogging, but I know that realistically, that probably wouldn't turn out as wonderful as it may seem in daydreams. I lurk on a lot of blogs too, but I do comment on the ones that really sing to me for whatever reason, and have found that, over time, I've "clicked" (not to be confused with cliqued! :P) with some people. If blogging feels comfortable for now, I say go with it, in time you will find your true "tribe" in the blogosphere and beyond!

  4. Rose: I've gotten behind in my comments on my blog! I think that your idea of a real community with blog rapport sounds grand, but maybe you are right that it wouldn't really work. And at the moment I find the blog world to be the most satisfying, but I'm trying out Facebook just to see what that is like. I write longer posts and longer comments on blogs (when I'm also not just lurking) but some sites make following the comments much easier on Facebook. Too many options, but now during the winter, this is a good indoor pursuit. As always, thanks for stopping by!

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