Go With the Flow

I’ve been thinking as I watched the trees blowing in a recent wind about how I view life and how I handle what comes my way.  I realized that I’m learning to react more like the blade of grass than the rigid tree, and to go with the flow, to be present with an experience and let it pass through me.  Yesterday my basic melancholy levels were a bit higher (I suspect because my left arm is acting up and is very painful), but instead of going into a funk (as I’ve done way too many times in the past), I just acknowledged the state of mind and changed my pace to respect it.  I quilted at a much slower pace and also tried to listen to my body (although I certainly forgot enough times that my arm still yelled at me!), and I concentrated on all the positives in my life (which are many, indeed), and focused on staying present.  It made me think about how differently I view my life now.  My family life is still very dysfunctional, but instead of railing against it or wishing things were different all the time, I’m focusing on what I do have and yesterday was also a perfect example of that.  I found three tweets from Eric about his trip to the grocery store with Josie and I was able to share her love for beets, her desire to eat raw brussels sprouts and mushrooms, and her love of broccoli!  It was magnificent to have that contact and that glimpse into their lives.  Similarly, I found the brochure for Pamela’s orchestral group and learned about her passion for conducting.  Again, just a glimpse, but for me, it was wonderful to be able to fill in some of the gaps of the last 13 years and I look forward to my next letter to her in October when I can share that with her more directly.  Do I still want more?  Do I still wish things were different?  Of course!  I am far from perfect, but in all honesty, I have to say that my life is working for me overall very well indeed, and just relaxing more and being open to possibilities and going with the flow rather than fighting an upstream battle, all make life much more enjoyable.  And realistically, I don’t have high energy levels and so staying put here in my home and on my island works best for me in any case.  My quilting and my scholarship funding satisfy my enormous need to nurture, my maternal and grandmotherly drives, in ways which benefit my community and help me make connections.  I’m finding a path that works for me even if it is not the path I envisioned for so many years.  It is nevertheless a very good path!

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